


4W3SOM3 G1RLFR13NDS

by anxiousAnarchist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, rose is not your marital counselor guys, this is a story about hot butts, this isn't a love story, true love means using your girlfriend's pesterchum account
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/pseuds/anxiousAnarchist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Terezi looks contemplative while she munches on her cereal. "You have a hot butt," she says.</i></p><p><i>You maybe blush a little, but that's because no one has commented on your butt, and the relative hotness or non-hotness of it, before. "Thanks!" you say. </i></p><p><i>"We should make out some more," she says.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	4W3SOM3 G1RLFR13NDS

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gentleThaumaturge (roughmagic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughmagic/gifts).



Neither of you planned on anything like this! It just sort of happened.

Like, one day you're acting out Terezi's last DnD campaign and you've enlisted Dave to act as an NPC that Terezi had to save, and you're playing the villain, and then, all of the sudden, all three of you are making out on Dave's bed.

Terezi's tongue gets in your ear, and you don't think she was aiming for it, but it's pretty hot anyway.

\---

 **gardenGnostic began pestering turntechGodhead**

GG: dave!!!  
GG: you're going to have to answer me eventually.  
GG: :(   
TG: hey sorry jade i was just maybe a little weirded out by that whole thing  
TG: you know  
TG: when you and Tz assaulted me with your tongues   
GG: uhhhh if i remember correctly you assaulted right back mr!! ; )  
TG: jade  
TG: jade  
TG: never use a winky face emoticon ever again  
TG: please   
GG: ; ) ; ) ; ) ; )  
TG: maybe i am just a little not used to so many bipches up in my swag  
TG: and you know ive liked terezi for a really long time   
GG: yeah i know!!  
TG: and kind of maybe you too  
GG: oh  
GG: really????? : D   
TG: yeah  
TG: so it was just all  
TG: sudden  
GG: 4WWWW D4V3 TH1S 1S 4DOR4BL3  
TG: what  
TG: what  
TG: what the hell  
TG: jade  
TG: jade answer me  
TG: jade jade jade  
TG: earth to harley what the hell are you doing  
TG: this is not the time for pranks okay  
TG: i am spilling boner-related secrets over here and you are just laughing your ass off.  
TG: jade  
TG: jade  
TG: jade  
GG: oh my gosh!!!!! keep your pants on dave!!!!  
GG: 1 H4D TO BORROW J4D3 FOR 4 M1NUT3.  
GG: SH3 W4S B31NG 1RR3S1ST4BL3. > ; ]  
TG: help help im being assaulted by winky emoticons   
GG: dave you are so . . . overdramatic!!  
GG: jeez can't a girl go make out with her girlfriend for like ten minutes without someone getting all huffy??

 **\---turntechGodhead's computer has expolded---**

 **\---turntechGodhead is now an idle chum.---**

GG: W3LP.  
GG: oh nooooo : (

\---

You and Terezi talk about it, and it doesn't really take you too long to work out that you both like each other a lot!

"So we should talk about all that stuff so that everything's not weird and awkward," you say. "Because I think you're a really cool person and I don't want to be awkward around you."

She's sniffing at her bowl of Lucky Charms. "You taste like spearmint," she says.

"Is that a bad thing or a good thing?" you ask around a mouthful of cereal.

She flashes her teeth. "A good thing."

"Well, I think you're really pretty!" you say, and it's true. Maybe not normal pretty like Rose, who is all soft and delicate and looks good in pastels. But Terezi has this amazing thick hair and the prettiest wrists and ankles (is that weird?? that you noticed that?? you don't know, you should probably ask Rose) and she always smells nice and she has a really nice smile. You don't understand why people think her smile is scary! Obviously they never saw Bec get angry.

Terezi looks contemplative while she munches on her cereal. "You have a hot butt," she says.

You maybe blush a little, but that's because no one has commented on your butt, and the relative hotness or non-hotness of it, before. "Thanks!" you say.

"We should make out some more," she says.

See, this is one of the reasons you like Terezi so much. You know so many sarcastic passive-aggressive hidden people, and she pretty much just says what she means! That's really refrehsmfpmf

You cannot finish your thought because Terezi has suddenly decided it's sit-in-Jade's-lap-and-stick-her-tongue-in-her-mouth time. You are pretty okay with this!

"You taste like marshmallows," you say.

"You taste like shut the hell up and do that thing with your tongue again."

This seems like a reasonable request.

\---

 **\--turntechGodhead began pestering gallowsCalibrator --**

TG: hey tz  
TG: sup  
  
GC: sup sup sup sup  
  
TG: woah  
TG: what is harshing your groove all of the sudden.  
  
GC: D4V3 TH4T S3NT3NC3 DO3SNT 3V3N P4RS3.  
  
TG: shhh tz  
TG: only me being really confused now  
  
GC: YOU H4V3 B33N 4CT1NG W31RD 4ROUND M3 4ND J4D3 L4T3LY.  
GC: 4ND W3 W4NT YOU TO STOP.  
GC: W3 W4NT OUR D3L1C1OUS CH3RRY SC3NT3D BOY B4CK.

 

\--

You thought about taking Terezi out hunting for your first date, and then you thought blind girl + guns = :??? You know she's good at seeing stuff anyway, but still! Maybe giving her a loaded rifle is like a third date thing.

Then you thought you could maybe get Bec to transportalize you two to the Large Hadron Collider, because hey that's pretty cool!

Rose kindly suggested you maybe think a little smaller, and also pointed out that you'd probably be arrested, and upset some very overworked scientists.

Finally, you give up and ask her while the two of you are playing video games on her couch. You are losing horribly. "Terezi, where is somewhere you've always wanted to go on Earth but never have?"

She thinks for a moment before shooting your player character in the back. "Your pants," she says, and wiggles her eyebrows.

You snort, and throw a pillow at her. "Rude! That was horrible! I can't even speak to you for like half an hour that was so horrible."

"The Renaissance Fair," she says. Her voice is slightly reverent. "I've heard about them, but I've never gone."

"Okay!" you say. "I know there's one in town this week -"

"I know, that's why I asked."

You stick out your tongue. "And we'll go to that, and that'll be our first date."

"Do they have a swordfighting competition?" asks Terezi. "Is there people flarping as knights? Are there hoofbeasts?"

She doesn't pay much attention to the video game after that.

\---

TT: Dave is probably just concerned that you lacked sincerity when you both made out with him.  
TT: He might think it's some sort of sick joke.  
GG: ugh, he's the sick joke!!  
GG: whatever, i don't even care! it's just making terezi upset and i don't want to make her upset. : (  
TT: And how are you and Ms. Pyrope doing?   
GG: :D   
TT: Mazel tov.   
GG: she's really fun to be around! and she's a really great kisser!!  
TT: I would've thought the teeth would have been an impairment.  
GG: you need to learn how to live life more dangerously, rose!!!  
TT: I'll consider it.  
TT: For Dave - you've also got to remember that he's not entirely comfortable with his own sexuality.  
GG: or at least it's more fun for you to psychoanalyze him like that.  
TT: Putting your feelings on my adequacies as a therapist aside, you remember when Kanaya and I told everyone we were going out?  
GG: yeah!  
TT: Well, Dave couldn't look either of us in the eye for a week.  
TT: I suspect not out of some latent homophobia, but more of a oh no now every time I look at them I imagine them making out sort of thing.  
TT: And I'm sure he's worried it'll ruin his relationship with you and Terezi if he attempts to pursue a repeat of that night's encounter, or even brings it up again.   
GG: he is silly.  
TT: Yes. But don't let this hinder your relationship with Terezi.  
GG: ugh, i wouldn't do that!! terezi is way too cool to lose.

\---

Terezi insists on wearing her Redglare costume, even though you say it doesn't really seem very Renaissance-y.

"No!" she says. "I asked Kanaya, she said that taberds are totally medieval."

You stick your tongue out at her, and she bites it, softly. She's always careful with you, though you've told her that she doesn't have to be.

"You could be a beautiful princess," she says, sliding into your lap.

Your hands travel up and down her back. You can feel each vertebrae - holding Terezi on your lap is a bit like playing Russian Roulette with knives.

"Fuck that," you say. "I'm borrowing your dragon cape. "

She puts her nose up against yours. "Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Harley?"

"Maybe!" you say.

Terezi licks the tip of your nose. You never thought you'd find someone licking the tip of your nose hot, but that was before you knew Terezi Pyrope.

She licks your lips, too, which you'd think was silly except your heart's doing double-time in your chest. You sigh, and she takes the opportunity to kiss you, to make your breath catch in your throat. Her hands settle in the small of your back, and she pushes you backwards.

"One of us is going to have to take out glasses off," you say.

"Your turn," says Terezi. She nibbles on your neck.

"Aww, but I can barely see without them!"

You both pause for a second, and then start laughing.

"Someday everyone's going to remember I'm blind," she says. "Someday."

You snatch her glasses and throw them over your shoulder. "Less talking, more kissing."  
\---

TG: help help i've fallen and i can't get up  
TT: Oh, stop being such a fucking wimp.  
TG: are you trying to start something here lalonde  
TT: No, I'm suggesting that _you_ start something.  
TT: That was innuendo.  
TT: By the way.  
TG: thanks rose. you're a star.  
TT: THE star?  
TG: let's not go that far. 

 

\---

The Renaissance Fair is pretty much anything the two of you could ever ask for.

One of the things that makes Terezi so much fun to be around is that she actually gets into things! She's not afraid to admit that she actually likes stuff, and she's not afraid to insert herself into a couple of ren faire actors acting. She holds court over the proceedings, and the crowd that gathers while she's legislacerating cheers when she finishes.

(You have to convince her that the inclusion of a noose would not be well received.)

She's really unselfconscious! It's kind of awesome!

Also, you can't stop watching her mouth while she eats a caramel apple. "How is this sort of food even possible?" she asks, one arm looped around yours as you endeavor to find where swordfighting is taking place.

"Magic," you say, wiggling your fingers.

"Bullshit," she says.

"There's caramel all over your face."

"What're you going to do about it?"

You are really going to have to get her to teach you how to do that eyebrow thing.

\---

GC: CL34LY W3 H4V3 TO S3DUC3 TH3 COOLK1D.  
GG: we do???  
GG: i don't know, maybe we should just leave him alone until he stops being so awkward.  
GC: J4D3  
GC: J4D3  
GC: J4D3  
GG: what?!?!?  
GC: LOOK 4T TH4T S3NT3NC3 YOU JUST TYP3D.  
GC: JUST R34LLY LOOK 4T 1T.  
GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK D4V3 1S GO1NG TO B3COM3 4 L3SS 4WKW4RD P3RSON 4NYT1M3 SOON??  
GG: more like anytime ever!!  
GG: :D  
GG: okay, i guess you have a point.  
GG: so what are we going to do?   
GC: HMM. TH1S W1LL R3QU1R3 SOM3 D3L1C4T3 M4N1PUL4T1ON.  
GG: or you could just ask him to come over to my house.  
GC: Y34H, OR TH4T. 

\---

In the end, Dave ends up coming to you.

He stands in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He's trying really hard not to look nervous, which just makes it super obvious that he's terrified!

"Hey guys," he says. "Sup."

You and Terezi go off to confer in the corner for a minute. - partially to make him nervous, you're willing to admit that! - but also to formulate a plan of action.

"Hey Dave!" you say, and smile. Terezi does too, her shark's teeth all gleaming. "Actually, we need your help with something."

\---

 

"Oh help no," says Dave. He's playing with the lace on the edge of the apron. He is not a very convincing damsel in distress! "I am like being held hostage by this vicious dog, who will ever save me?"

Terezi flourishes her cane. "I the mighty Neophyte Redglare and my steed -" she look-sniffs at Dave, who's crossing his arms and generally being very un-damnsel-y. "You are not really saying it like you mean it!"

"What do you mean. I am terrified and also in distress. Harley is terrifying and distressing and also I'm her prisoner, I guess?"

You huff and sit down on the edge of the bed. "Rude! I totally am terrifying! Right, Redgare?"

"Yeah you are!" says Terezi.

"Dave you are horrible," you say. "You can't make out with us unless you step up your game at least a little bit."

Dave holds his hands up. "Ladies, ladies. No need to fight over me. There's more than enough Strider to go around."

"No one is fighting over you, stupid!" you say. "In fact, me and Terezi are going to go into the other room and make out right! now! and you can't even watch!"

"Yeah," says Terezi. "Harley has a better ass than you anyway."

"Wow," says Dave. "My ass's honor has been impugned."

"Well maybe your ass should have acted better!!!!"

Dave sighs, and rubs his eyes. "I give up. Can we skip to the part where we're making out?"

He's blushing, which is sort of adorable. Terezi's picked up on it too.

"What's that I smell?" she says. "Is the coolkid . . . embarassed?"

"Only for you, tz," he says. "I'm not the one LARPing right now."

You flop down next to Dave on the bed. "Oh my gosh, Dave. Just chill, okay?"

You slide his glasses off and put them beside the bed, and before he can complain, you kiss him on the nose, and then on the mouth. Terezi cackles before sliding next to you.

Dave is breathing heavily. "I take it back, you're both terrifying."

Terezi kisses the corner of your mouth, then leans over to kiss Dave. You giggle against his chest.

"Good," says Terezi. "Now everyone hand your glasses over."


End file.
